When The Math Ain't Mathin'

How to wrap up the "talking stage"

Friends, I realize I dropped the ball in June with only one post all month. But I promise I can explain! If you’re a paid subscriber, keep your eyes on your inbox for a special announcement. 👀

And in an effort to make up for my delay, I’m giving you two posts back to back this week! After her first mindblower on navigating hot and cold dating dynamics, I promised Coach Joyice from The DC Relationship Education Center would return for part 2. So, without further delay, here she is with more coaching insights. If you’ve ever been at the end of the line during the “talking stage”, unsure of whether to pull the plug or hang in there a bit longer, read on!

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Joyice’s Coaching Corner

Less than a week after our first session regarding Mr. Thirty-Seven, I noticed an unexpected email in my inbox—Kaity had booked another session. This wasn’t her usual rhythm. Normally, one session gives her plenty to reflect on and move with. So when I saw that notification, I knew something had shifted.

What followed was one of the most eye-opening and emotionally intelligent sessions I’ve facilitated—and I believe many women will see themselves here.

There’s a moment that happens in many modern dating stories. You’re in the “talking stage,” where it feels like it has potential, but you question the momentum.

I’ve seen this exact moment send countless women into a spiral of confusion—too unsure for comfort but not quite wrong enough to walk away. Because I value relational clarity for my clients, I help them process, sort, and make sense of what they’re experiencing. My goal is to support them in navigating their connections with greater understanding, so that the unknown becomes known, and they can move forward feeling grounded instead of feeling stuck.

As a single woman navigating 100 dates in Houston, Kaity is no different, and this is exactly where she found herself.

One of the most powerful positions she held about her situation in our coaching session was to take up space. Not to be passive-aggressive. Not to teach a lesson. But to honor her emotional reality and avoid reacting in ways that would compromise her values.

That’s not easy. Especially when your formative pattern is to over-give or people-please. But Kaity did what so many of us are learning to do—she paused. She stepped back not to disappear, but to decide.

As a practitioner who is adamant about positioning her clients in a way that maintains their personal power, I could not have been more proud of her choosing not to ghost or go off, but to deal with it head-on and allow it to make her a better woman.

She informed Mr. 37 that the last exchange between them felt off and that she needed time to sort through her thoughts and feelings. She didn't play games. She didn't pretend everything was okay. She communicated clearly, told him she needed some time to process, and waited for his response.

When you take space, the hope—whether you admit it or not—is that the other person will notice and react. That they’ll come looking for you, curious about what you need.

But sometimes, nothing happens. Days pass. And the silence starts to say more than words ever could.

Kaity, like many of you, had to sit in that silence and ask: Is this space being honored, or being treated with indifference?

Here’s where our emotional literacy is put to the test. Because sometimes honoring yourself looks like sitting in a very uncomfortable “maybe.” And still holding the boundary.

Through our conversation, I helped Kaity name what had been hard to articulate: the missing pieces of the connection she kept referencing but couldn’t quite describe.

Many women find themselves in the same place: feeling that something’s off, but struggling to put words to it. That’s because women, in general, are intuitive processors. When paying attention, they often sense when something isn’t landing right, even if they can’t explain exactly why. Meanwhile, many men tend to lead with their ideas of logic—intellectualizing their experiences or relying on facts and events, often disconnected from the emotional undercurrent unless it registers as anger or frustration.

Neither way is better. They’re just different. We both need help translating in the other direction to each other.

For women, that often means learning to convert intuition into language that can be shared and understood. This is where I come in again.

When I coach clients, I operate in what I call the “insider-outsider” role. As an insider, I’m a fellow woman—I recognize the emotional messiness, the in-betweens, the wordless knowing. I can hold space for what’s raw and not yet refined, honoring it without judgment or the pressure to “hurry up and make sense.” (P.S. This is why I usually advise against sharing these early emotional drafts with men, especially one you’re still figuring out. It’s not for secrecy, but a regard for our sacredness. That version of you needs a female translator.)

As an outsider, I bring a mirror. I’m not living your experience, so I can see it—and feel it—with a certain clarity you might not have access to yet. This is where I apply what I call my “spiritual osmosis”—my coaching superpower that allows me to synthesize what I hear you saying, what your body and voice are expressing, and what your energy is revealing underneath it all. I pick up the threads, weave them into words, and offer them back to you for confirmation.

That’s exactly what I did with Kaity.

After listening to her experience and discerning the gap between what she was giving and what she was receiving, I said:

“It sounds like you want to feel a man’s pursuit, consistency, and reciprocity—all at the same time. Some combination of those three, in whatever measure, is the signal your brain and heart need to feel this connection you keep saying isn’t quite there.”

We have a lightbulb moment! Because yes, that was the clarity she needed.

This is the magic of coaching—when your unspoken knowing becomes spoken truth. When your intuition gets an interpreter. When your decision-making becomes rooted in understanding, not just emotion.

As our session reached its peak, I started to define her new three-stranded cord of connection to make sure we both were dialed into their definitions and distinctions:

1. Pursuit – someone who shows intentional interest and moves toward her, not just responds.

2. Consistency – not hot and cold behavior, but a steady rhythm of care.

3. Reciprocity – the willingness to give, inquire, and invest, not just receive.

For Kaity, when these things are missing, even mutual values and good conversation won’t be enough. A lack of emotional availability can turn even the most promising connection into a confusing experience.

Here’s where I want to esteem Kaity and encourage you. From my first post until this one, she didn’t “stay” due to scarcity or ease. She stayed long enough to see, to know. She wasn’t contemplating deadening the connection just because she was scared or unsure. She considered leaving it because the emotional math wasn’t mathin’.

In other words, Kaity didn’t rush the call. She gave it space, prayer, conversation, and accountability. She sought insight and support, not to be told what to do or to hear what she wanted to hear, but to get clear on how she feels and what she needs.

That is emotional maturity.

This self-work Kaity engaged in was both sacred and thoughtful. And it’s familiar to so many women navigating this dating world. So if you find yourself in the space between “I feel something’s off” and “I don’t know how to name it,” know that it’s okay to ask for help making sense of it. That’s not weakness. It’s wisdom.

Here are a few steps to get you started:

✨ Take space, but name it. Let him know why you're pulling back. Not for drama and attention. Grown women do not need to rely on these tactics to communicate. This is for your clarity and personal grounding. It’s a relational boundary that communicates self-respect.

✨ Check the temperature, don’t control the climate. After space, follow up. Reopen the door—not wide, but a crack. Something like, “Hey, thanks for giving me space to sort through my thoughts. I’m open to talking about it when you are.”

✨ Notice what they do, not what you wish they would. Watch how they respond. Do they take the opportunity to repair, pursue, or at least inquire? Or do they stay silent, stay safe, and stay away?

✨ Evaluate the emotional weight. If the lack of clarity is making you work harder than you’re being considered (or loved,) that’s not sustainable. Ask: Is the cost of staying emotionally present in this connection too high for me to continue?

Kaity isn’t a woman who gives up easily. She’s a woman who gives from the heart. But what she’s learning—and what I hope you’re learning too—is that giving doesn’t mean overextending. She now has a choice to make: to either re-engage with clarity or disengage with confidence. Either way, she’s leading herself well but you’ll have to read Kaity’s upcoming post to know which path she decided to take.